This week, I wanted to share a quick story. 

It’s 2 of my favourite little peoples’ birthdays this week 🙂 (even though they will be 5 and 2, I still call them ma babies 🙂

If you’ve been following me for a little while, you probably noticed that I don’t usually share many details of my personal life on social. I like to keep some things separate and, hey, there’s that big introvert part of me also 😉 But, the story below seems right to share.

The birthdays’ story

When I found out that my 2nd due date is the same as the 1st one (exactly same day and month, how strange!), I laughed and also felt a bit unsettled. ‘It’s better to have Annika’s birthday before her little brother, right?’ I kept thinking. ‘Wouldn’t she want to be that 1st, especially when it comes to her birthday day?’.

Getting closer to the due day, I started to think that I wished for him to come at least a day after. I was laughing to myself saying that I’ll keep my legs crossed and sit still, so he gets nice and toasty in there. But I bet you can guess what happened – he was all ready and cooked and happy to join us. He came 1 day before my daughter’s birthday!

We spent the morning of Annika’s 3rd birthday in the hospital in central London (I had a lovely water birth led by amazing midwives team) and the afternoon driving through the sunny (and busy) London city to get baby Owen home. At home, waiting for Annika to come from daycare, all I could think of was: ‘We didn’t spend her birthday day with her, she will know and will be sad and angry’. I was teary from all the hormones, joy, exhaustion and the nervousness. When she came in and saw me and Owen together, she was puzzled for a few seconds. And, then she said: ‘What? Mama! Where is your belly’? and then, with a big smile a carelessness: ‘Baby, do you want some lollipop?’ (smearing a half-eaten and sticky lollipop all over his still puffy newborn face). 

And guess what. She’s never mentioned her birthday being after his; not then, not for the next couple of years. Even though she LOVES her birthday. She’s equally excited about his birthday as hers, and patiently waits and celebrates his day. She’s a great birthday cake tester and his personal PA (mama, ‘Owen wants a snack now’). She’s grown up so quickly in my eyes over the last 2 years that I need to constantly remind myself that she only (almost, almost) 5. 

What is the lesson here?

We’re sometimes so convinced that we know things that others think or feel. Know how they’d react, what they will do or think of us. We are so sure of it that we believe those thoughts and begin to feel emotions linked to them (often unhelpful or negative). And the emotions in return can lead us to actions that might not be helpful or supportive. 

At that moment, I was convinced she’d angry with us and maybe even don’t like her brother because he now gets to be the 1st one to get presents and have a birthday cake. My mind created that story, and those thoughts made me feel down and nervous. 

Thinking that we know what others think is often simply untrue. This type of contaminated self-talk is called mind reading. But, what is true, is that you don’t have the power to read anyone’s’ mind or know what anyone really feels. So, don’t believe everything your mind tells you; it’s super skilled and can be very sneaky.

CAN YOU PAUSE, REFLECT AND TELL IF MIND-READING COULD BE CONTRIBUTING TO SOME UNWANTED EMOTIONAL AND BEHAVIOURAL RESPONSES IN YOU?

One of the ways you can work on the unwanted thoughts and negative self-talk is checking in if the thing you think or are convinced about is really true. 

How do I know that it’s true?
What evidence have I got for this?
Has anyone/he/she told me that? 
What and who would I be without this thought? If I’d free myself of it, how would I behave?
What is another thought that could be helpful and serve me better here?

See how it works for you; give it a go if it feels right, and write down your thoughts or reflections. 

And, going back to the birthdays 🙂 I’m going to spend both babies birthdays baking cakes, celebrating their bond, my amazing body and the intriguing sneaky brain that never stops to amaze me.