Today, I want to share with you the biggest secret to self-care I’ve recently discovered. Why?

Because there’s so much confusion about self-care out there and I bet you need it as badly as me.  

Self-care doesn’t always feel good.  

Self-care doesn’t always feel fluffy or yummy. 

Self-care doesn’t always feel comforting at the moment.

Self-care doesn’t always mean a treat or putting your feet up. 

Self-care may not always be a pleasure. 

And here is where I see the problem with self-care how it often manifests in the world. 

If you’re using self-care ‘rituals’ to deal or escape from something that happens in your life, it only gives you a short term gain and taking away the long term commitment to yourself.

Think how many times you reached for red wine or a tub of ice cream when you had a crappy day? How many times you skipped the gym, because you lacked motivation or told yourself ‘you’re too tired’? To dig in further, is skipping the gym or binging on ice cream self-care for you? 

HOW DO YOU HANDLE WHAT’S COMING AT YOU?

Choosing to feel sorry for yourself and using a meaningless self-care ritual that ‘supposed’ to make you feel better won’t take away the negative emotions or struggles that come up for you. It will not fix a thing; it will skilfully and sneakily mask it until the next time. And the next time. 

And here is where the real self-care comes in.

The one on a deeper level. The one where you feel connected to yourself, ‘read’ yourself and stay present with your feelings, no matter what they are. The self-care that doesn’t come from external pleasures, but it’s motivated by how you want to feel long term. 

Self-care means looking after your future self, not just in the present.  

It means knowing and choosing what is right or good for you, even if it feels uncomfortable or feels like something you don’t want to do right that moment because ________ fill in the blank with your usual excuse.

Some of my recent examples of the real self-care are: 

+ folding laundry right after it’s ready  (vs. leaving it in the basket for a week,  then dealing with folding 4 x more washing while swearing on a Sunday evening)

+ committing myself to a daily walk/movement, even I am nervous to step away as the day feels like it’s 10 hours too short (I don’t often love the moment of putting my shoes on, but I do it because I value the long term gain and the commitment I made to myself)

+ choosing not to switch on TV on a weeknight (what would I do if I truly cared for myself now and in the future? watch a silly TV show or read/study/have me-time?)

 As you see, nothing that glamorous or pampering about any of that. In all of these examples, part of me does want to do the thing that is the opposite – who doesn’t love chilling in front of the TV on a Tuesday night or pretending the washing isn’t there?  

Don’t get me wrong, there’s certainly always room for both if it feels right on the deeper level! I am all in for a lovely warm bath, a massage or red wine at the end of a long week. Hell yes! But the difference I want you to see is that the real self-care isn’t just about self-indulgence and pleasures. 

WHAT TO DO NEXT TIME WHEN YOU WANT TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF?

Start with pausing and asking yourself:

• What could I do that will bring me positive results not only instantly, but also long term?
• What do I need more to feel appreciated and balanced and how can I make it happen? (tip: think inwards, not outwards from external sources)

Practice self-care from the inside. Get uncomfortable, forget about always chasing pleasure. What is the bigger picture to feeling your best self?

PS- stay tuned for more on this topic. I will soon share a few practical tips on how to create own real self-care and how to bring wellness back down to Earth.